Are you gay? A lot of people would instantly answer “Yes” or “No” to this question without thinking twice about it, but there are a lot of guys out there who are really confused. They legitimately don’t know whether they are straight, bisexual, or gay. People search for questions at Google all the time regarding sexual orientation confusion (you might be surprised how often these questions get searched), such as the following:
⦁ “I like girls, but there is a guy who I think is attractive. Does this make me gay?”
⦁ “I am not attracted to men, but I am attracted to some transgender people. Am I gay?”
⦁ “I had a threesome with a girl and another guy, and I liked it. Does this mean I’m gay?”
⦁ “I am not attracted to men, but for some reason, I enjoy watching gay porn. Am I gay?”
Of course, these are just a few examples of questions that men ask when they are not sure if they straight, gay, or bi. The problem is that people feel like they need to identify in a particular category in the first place. In reality, sexuality is a broad, fluid spectrum, whereby you might discover something new about yourself and change your sexuality completely. Ultimately, identifying who and what you are is not something others can help you with, it’s something you have to identify with time and learning about yourself
Don’t Force Yourself into an ‘Am I Gay or Straight’ Identity Box
Remember, categories are nothing more than labels that the world places on you, so you do not have to embrace them. You don’t have to label yourself as gay, bi, straight, or anything else. These are not self-defining terms, these terms do not determine who or what kind of person you are. These are terms that people use to slap labels on you! Unless you are a packaged product, you do not need to put yourself in an identity box or apply labels to yourself so that the world can see what you are, unless you want to
You don’t have to make a proclamation today, either to yourself or to the world! You don’t have to decide right now that you are either gay or straight or that you are attracted to men or women. Take your time. If you really are struggling with the question of whether or not you are gay, here are some things to ponder and some questions you can ask yourself. Use the following questions to decide whether or not you are attracted to guys
Take the Makeout Test
One way that you can determine if you are gay or not is to watch two straight guys make out. There are plenty of videos online that you can choose from. Just go to Google or YouTube and search for “Two Straight Guys Making Out.” Watch it for a minute, and if you find yourself thinking something like, “Oh, this is hot,” or you find yourself aroused, then you are probably gay. In other words, you probably are a man who likes other men
Who are Your Friends?
Do you most often hang out with women or feel most comfortable when you are around women or gay men? This factor alone isn’t enough to determine if you are gay or not, but it could be one thing among many that are indicative of gayness. Of course, it doesn’t make you gay just because you have friends who are gay guys, or you feel comfier around women. These are just dumb stereotypes that society tries to slap on people
What Kind of Bodies is Hot to You?
When your other guy friends point out attractive female figures to you, including a woman’s boobs or butt, do you feel unattracted or even awkward? Do you feel embarrassed or just uninterested? Maybe later, when you are hanging out at the gym or at the swimming pool, you notice how nice your guy friend’s chest and ass look? If this sounds like you, then there is a very strong possibility that you might just be gay after all
What if I Don’t Like Doing Bro Stuff?
Do you find that you are not interested in typical guy stuff, such as watching sports, debating about politics, playing video games, talking about hot babes, or shooting at stuff? Do you prefer designing, doing housework, cleaning, taking care of yourself, or shopping instead? If so, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are gay, but when combined with other indicators, this can give you a little more perspective. Remember, there are lots of straight guys who are into typical bro stuff either. Society just stereotypes guys that are into “feminine” activities. By itself, this is not indicative of gayness or bisexuality
Am I Gay If I Have Same-Sex Fantasies?
Do you find yourself daydreaming about men lounging by the pool in speedos? Unless you are a water polo player who is desperate to get back into the game, then yes, you are probably gay! On a serious note, a lot of straight people fantasize about members of the same sex when they are masturbating. Researchers have found that this is especially common with teenagers, but it also happens with adults. This could just be a matter of curiosity or certain active hormones in the brain, but again, thinking about members of the same sex during masturbation is common
One study suggests that about half of all men who fantasize about having sex with a same-sex person will actually act on the fantasy if presented with the opportunity, even if it is the same guy that they fantasize about. While this cannot be entirely explained by science, it seems that the brain can actually enhance your attraction to someone or even make you attracted to them in your imagination when you are not attracted to them or nearly as attracted to them when you see the person in-person. Same-sex fantasies do not make a person automatically gay.
What Kind of Entertainment Do You Prefer?
Do you love watching RuPaul’s Drag Race? Do you even know what RuPaul’s Drag Race is? Again, you could have gay tendencies if you are into this or other gay entertainment, but ultimately, this is inconclusive because there are tons of straight people who love RuPaul! Combined with other factors, this could be an indicator. However, your entertainment preferences alone mean nothing about your sexual preference or orientation, unless you watch gay porn videos or pictures as entertainment
Do You Like Seeing Guys Naked?
If your favorite part about going to the gym is going to the locker room, then you are probably gay. If you answered yes to this question, then there is a strong likelihood that you are either gay or bisexual. While fantasizing about other men does not necessarily make a man gay, for the reasons that we discussed, actually feeling aroused at seeing another man nude is a pretty strong indicator that you are guy. Whereas the mind tends to enhance or exaggerate our attractions to others, the eyes do not, the eyes do not lie
Am I Gay if I’m Not Manly or Rugged?
What if you have feminine features or a feminine personality? Perhaps you have a lisp, or you like wearing tight clothes. This alone does not indicate an individual’s gayness or lack thereof. However, if you have checked the boxes for other indicators, or if you have answered “Yes” to other questions here, then being feminine could be a sign that you are gay or bi. Of course, there are a lot of feminine guys who are not gay, so it’s inconclusive
The fact is; a lot of straight guys have feminine traits and characteristics. Likewise, at least half of all gay or bisexual dudes are not feminine at all! Classifying a man as gay or bi because they aren’t dripping with machismo is foolish, and sadly, it’s something that society does all-too-often! In reality, there is no science that makes a connection between having feminine personality characteristics or physical traits and being attracted to other men. Your appearance does not decide your sexuality
So, am I Gay?
What’s the gist of this? First, stereotypes are stupid. Being gay is not being effeminate or liking specific things that are often stereotyped as being gay. If you think you might be gay because of the way that you do things, that’s not how this works! If you think you are gay because you are a man who is attracted to another man, then yes. If you are a man who is attracted to one man, then you are just a man who is attracted to one man
If you find yourself attracted to transgender people or ladyboys, does this make you gay? Not necessarily, although many people would argue against this. The thing is, if you are attracted to a ladyboy who looks like a supermodel chick with a dick, then you probably like hot girls, but maybe ladyboys turn you on because you have some insecurity, and you feel more secure being yourself around transgender people. To really know if you are gay, you must consider whether or not you get off on dudes. That’s what makes you gay!
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter as far as labels go. You don’t have to feel obligated to classify yourself into a specific, life-defining category. Give it some time. Don’t stress about it. The important thing is that you are happy and comfortable with who and what you are because you have nothing to be ashamed of either way. This is the most important takeaway from all of this. As long as you are a happy, healthy, functioning member of society, who cares what others think about you
What Causes a Person to be Gay?
Unfortunately, research is inconclusive on this topic. There are a lot of thoughts and ideas as to what can make a person gay. The best answer seems to be that we gays have a biological tendency to be the way we are. That is why many of us have shown signs of being gay since we were pre-toddlers. A lot of people have suggested that people can develop gay tendencies or attractions to members of the same-sex through childhood or teenage exposure to homosexual pornography or even via an early homosexual encounter, regardless of whether that encounter was pleasurable for them or not. There is also evidence that some children, teenagers, and men who have been molested or raped by other men are more likely to be gay or bi than men who haven’t